Why Men Pull Away From Their Ideal Woman
When Holly met Colin 3 years ago , she could see they were perfect for each other . They shared the same dark humor and also appreciated the very same films and television shows . Plus they both intended to begin a family in the next few years .
They even had the very same favorite childhood book - The Velveteen Rabbit - a funny coincidence he frequently pointed out when people asked about how they met .
So when Colin suddenly ended things one stormy October day, she felt completely blindsided.
"I don't understand what changed how he felt ," she told us "He once told me that he'd written down a list when he was young of everything he desired in a future wife , and that I'd marked off every last one . And just a couple of weeks ago he was talking about singing classes so he could serenade me at our wedding."
Unfortunately , this story is common . Dating and relationship expert Clayton Max told us it's not unusual at all for a guy to retreat from a woman who appears ideal for him .
"Something that many women do not understand ," Max said "is it does not matter how perfect she is for him 'theoretically '. She might check every box on his list, but when it comes to moving the relationship forward, he still is vulnerable to panic . "
That's because, despite taking pride in how logical and sensible they are , Max says , "Males don't select a woman based upon who is the most logical choice for them. Rather , they pick the individual who makes them FEEL certain things."
What things? You may ask...
According to Max, guys are instinctively a lot more afraid of committing than women , but their minds also come pre-wired with a mechanism that overrides this fear with the appropriate woman .
Max calls this The Infatuation Response , and when it's turned on , it essentially closes down the part of his mind that feels panicked . All of a sudden his reactions of doubt are released , he feels a sense of confidence about the woman , and he's prepared to move mountains to be with her.
When deciding between a person who makes logical sense or one that 's triggered his primal infatuation impulse , he will always pick the one who 's triggered his infatuation reaction one hundred percent of the time .
So what are Max's recommendations for a woman that wants her man to commit deeply to her?
1. Accept things the way the are
A big error women make, is wishing men were different than they are. But a man can no more change these thoughts of panic he has about committing for life than a woman can control her instincts toward commitment .
As a matter of fact , when he has a feeling of being misunderstood for his vulnerability , it adds to the anxiety and shame he has inside , making him more likely to hit the 'eject' switch sooner rather than later .
By acknowledging that this is simply the way guys are wired, and not pressuring him, it gives you space to focus on what YOU CAN DO to make him certain - triggering his infatuation instinct .
2. Don't try to "convince " him
The majority of women fall into the trap of trying to be a guy's 'perfect girl' , by exhibiting all the 'good girlfriend ' qualities , like being a great listener, being loyal, attentive, generous, and seductive .
They'll note out all the reasons they're a perfect match , or they'll attempt to determine what qualities he desires in a woman , so they can display them when he's around.
In either case , they're trying to appeal to his 'logical brain ', which in this situation is not in charge .
Women do this repeatedly , despite the fact that this almost never works , leaving them let down , and upset when he winds up choosing someone who has practically none of the characteristics he states he desires .
3. Focus on activating his infatuation impulse
The only surefire way of getting a guy to commit with his whole heart, so he's absolutely confident that she is the one for him, is to trigger his infatuation response .
A guy 's infatuation response is turned on by very specific qualities in a woman . Things like intrigue , boundaries, as well as unpredictability , which create a sense of excitement and an urge to chase .
While most women try to show her man just how dedicated they are to him in the hope that this will make him feel secure to open his heart, this more often than not builds on the pressure weighing him down , because at this moment , he's even more afraid of losing his freedom than losing her.
For more information about how to trigger a man's infatuation impulse , with exact scripts that do exactly that, watch this free video presentation.
In it, you'll learn about the 'emotional tripwire', which places a guy in infatuation mode, without him realizing why.
Watch it now while it's still online
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